He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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