So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
