nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
