Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Mom said you looked used
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
