if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize