I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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