Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
