please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
