I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
