I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
