So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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