Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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