This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
