I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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