I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
