they need to just BURY HIM!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
