we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
