it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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