So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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