How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
