i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
