My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
