Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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