Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
