no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
