Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
