Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize