Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
