Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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