Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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