Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
