cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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