Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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