oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
