yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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