I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
