my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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