Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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