I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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