can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize