yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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