And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize