that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
