Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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