i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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