You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
