Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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