Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my being single is dangerous.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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