Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
