sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
