It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
