The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
