So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
