Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
