maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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