I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
