You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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