Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
