can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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