Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize