I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
