Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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