When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
