she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
