I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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