i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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