I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize