I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize