Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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