Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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