just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
