ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He passed out mid-signature
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
