she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize